Eavesdropping isn’t the noblest action to fess up to. Though when at an event like Art Basel Miami Beach, where many of the local and international gentry are happy enough to sound in-the-know, and opinions fly from every cardinal direction, I’ll take the risk of stepping into a moral grey area. Just call it a field exercise in the anthropology of contemporary art.
Without further ado, some gems overheard on a day at the fair…
“Just what every home needs, a neon rainbow crucifix.”
“She didn’t even go to documenta.”
“I love your palazzo pants!”
“That’s Mapplethorpe AF.”
“South Beach’s revenge.”
“Just your average remote control car stuffed with doll hair…”
“Can I squeeze in there?” *mild shove*
“That’s one expensive splotch, man.”
“Two fat Philip Gustons.”
“She is in love with me, and I am in love with her.” – a woman to her comfort Schnauzer
“Peeling wall labels are a crime.”
“Slap a palm tree on me and call me Josh Smith.”
“See you back in L.A., sweetie!”
“Oh, Jeff Koons’ blue balls — blue gazing balls! ”
“I thought Marian Goodman was that brand of chocolate samplers.”
“Shall we to the taco truck?”
“Barbara Kruger dice aquí, cuando hacen negocios hacen historia.”
“I was so hungover I don’t know how I’m here.” – man on iPhone
“Daquiri bar tonight?”
“Why are all of Louise Bourgeois’ watercolours so…womby?”
“Dear God, where’s the exit with the big white tree?”
“Black jumpsuit… Adidas Superstars…”
“That’s a skull-cracking catalogue raisonné.”
“My Insta’s gonna blow.”
“That one’s about twenty-three thousand…”
“I like Katherine Bernhardt, she made that one cheeseburger pattern, with Nikes, and basketballs … and cheeseburgers.”
“We are the public day dregs.”
“It looks like questionable mud on canvas.”
“Where’s the Ruinart cart?”
Alicia Costas

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